Wow, depressing
I just read back over what I wrote last night - how pathetic is that? No, not that I read it but what I wrote. I guess that's just been an underlying thread in my thoughts/actions/or inactions of late.'Use the losses and failures of the past as a reason for action, not inaction'
I read that somewhere and it stuck. It's how I've always tried to live. I don't believe in the whole culture of stating "I'm depressed", then wallowing around in the house doing nothing, eating all day (or not eating at all) and feeling sorry for myself and that being ok and generally accepted by the world at large. It's just not right. It's just not me. I think, that on some levels, happiness is a decision. You know, fake it until you make it, and all of that. The problem that I've run into recently is that I'm at a loss for what action to take? I feel like I've exhausted all of my options, which I know is not true, but I don't know what other options are out there that I have not tried yet. I feel like I'm at the end of my proverbial rope and my hands are tied.
I don't know what to do.
I want to move, to act, to make progress toward whatever future there is waiting for me out there. I am tired of being sad for what I want and is not. I am starting to understand that the first thing I need to do is let go of the future that I have been working so hard at getting to for so long, my entire life... that future is apparently not mine to be had. Or it's just not ready for me, or I'm not ready for it yet. But it's hard to let go. I've wanted it forever. And I'm scared.
If I let go of it then what do I have? What am I working for? Where am I going? If not that, then what is my purpose?
posted by Ali @ 8:29 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home