Day 2
I know, you don't really want a daily count right? Well sorry - I think I'll get over it after a while and I settle into a nice, habitual writing system. Right now though it's still a fresh, gripping need that I have to come onto this thing and write. To no one in particular and about nothing really formed or specific, but just be here and talk.So um, yeah I don't know where I was going with that. (I'm at work and it keeps interrupting - what a pain in the a* ya know? You know something else funny, if we were talking in "real life" I probably wouldn't even think twice about using 'inappropriate' language, but here it just doesn't seem right... there's something seriously wrong with me...)
Anyway, yesterday when I was driving to lacrosse (it's my other job - I referee) I was wondering how so may of these things (blog sites) could exist out there. I don't mean how they technically could exist, but how so many people could sit around typing their life away thinking they are saying something important or original? The things said are not original; not special or unique, so why bother? Why waste the time droning on about something someone else has already said or expressed a million times before?
And then I realized I wasn't really thinking about "others" at all. I don't blame or judge someone for any or every feeling that they may have, and I don't evaluate the quality or content of the things that they write and I read. That they feel and are brave enough to share.
The only person/thing that I judge, and for whatever reason seems to constantly come up lacking - being not quite enough, is me.
I am not special. I am not stupid, but I'm not really smart either. I am not ugly, but I am not beautiful. I am not young, but I am also not old (yet). I am just your typical, average, everyday, run of the mill brown haired female extra in life that you could pass a million times on the street. I may always seem familiar, but you don't really know me or recognize me either.
I am single (duh, right?) and if it wasn't for my puppy (she's under 2 so she's still a puppy) and my fish (River - he's older than my puppy - when he dies I'm going to throw him in the river - Flush was my first fish... can you guess where he went?) the only thing I would be responsible for and to is me. I do not have a roommate, I do not have a landlord. It's not a big deal, right? I guess not, but at the same time it is.
Family is a big deal to me. It's important. I don't have one of my own and it makes me sad.
I want someone to help and to love, and more than that I want someone to want to help and love me back.
posted by Ali @ 8:09 AM
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