bad thoughts...
So I randomly received a message from my X, you know, the X. Apparently he is still alive which is a good thing (I guess - I mean, I don't wish anyone harm and I still care about him and all but I don't know, part of me thinks my life would be easier if either he or I weren't around - and me not being around is a bad topic to discuss and really wouldn't make my life any better, if you know what I mean, so that's where I was going with that).Anyway. So like I was saying, he is alive and kicking.
And right now I am not in a good place. I have a difficult time with the trust thing, as I know you know (if not, please see any random sampling of my previous posts and you'll get to read about it - I am apparently not all that shy). Something happened this weekend. It was not good. I am not doing well, but I am doing as much as I can to work on making it and me better. I don't know when/if it'll happen but I am trying, ok?
He wrote to basically be in touch, that was it. (At least, that was his pretext, as for the true intent I don't know for sure.) I wrote back, acknowledging he was alive (I thought), and he asked very pointedly what was wrong. Am I that transparent? It was seriously three sentences, that's it. I didn't think I was revealing anything, good or bad.
The bad thoughts have been non-stop since his response - I am tempted as if by the devil himself - to open up and tell him what is going on, and let him (my X, not the devil) be part of me getting myself back to a place where it is all better. Or at least acceptable. Because I mean come on, who are we kidding? All better? I don't know if I believe that it is even possible anymore...
Why does it always seem that his timing is just so???
posted by Ali @ 9:58 PM
2 Comments:
hey... hope things get better... and soon! im not very good at ex-advice, so do what you feel will be BEST FOR YOU in the longrun. and just trust your judgement from there.
just letting you know im thinkin of you.
i doubt you're that transparent...
but when you're in symbiosis with another soul at one time or another... that usually doesn't stop even if the relationship does... which is why ending a relationship sucks...
anyway.
i'd vote for NOT letting someone outside of yourself help you get to the place you want to be if that someone isn't invested in you in a stable way....
but if i were you?
you know i'd let that happen.
ha.
how can you fight that?
whatever you decide, good luck.
and hope that things swing upward sooner rather than later...
peace,
LC
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