Hubris
As defined, at least in part, by the Encyclopedia Britannica (online of course)..."Also spelled hybris, in classical Greek ethical and religious thought, overweening presumption suggesting impious disregard of the limits governing human action in an orderly universe. It is the sin to which the great and gifted are most susceptible, and in Greek tragedy it is usually the hero's tragic flaw…"
I learned of this word and concept in my Shakespeare class in college. My teacher - he was not a professor - but one of the more favored grad students who was given his own class - was obsessed with it. We spent the entire semester studying his tragedies, which are all very good, and analyzing what we felt was the main character's hubris. It was fascinating. Somewhat depressing as well, but that's sort of the point of a tragedy, right?
Now I know that there is a contingency who argue that Will did not write everything that he is given credit for - and back in the day when I had the time and motivation - and when I surrounded myself with intelligent and thinking individuals who would actually be interested in talking about their thoughts on the subject - I actually read a lot about that suggestion. Of course, that was another lifetime ago but I wanted to acknowledge that before I moved on because it's a good argument. As far as this little entry is concerned he wrote them all, ok?
On another side note, my teacher had been screwing one of my sorority sisters - but that is a discussion for another day. Just know it ended before I started class so I had to be very careful and remember to not wear letters when I was going to see him - you know, in case there were any hard feelings...
So anyway - where was I? Oh, hubris. Ok, so I took that class 2nd semester freshman year (I think - my brain is not what it used to be). I didn't date much - I never had - in high school I was somewhat conservative with the level of physical intimacy I was willing to let happen so rather than have to deal with pressure to do something, I just didn't date. It was easy and didn't bother me much.
That winter I had run into an old friend who I had been really close with. He and I started dating and it was nice. I wasn't ready for as much as he was, and to be honest I was getting that weird tingly-in-a-bad-way feeling in the back of my mind. As summer came things just got weirder - like he never wanted to go out where people were. It was always intimate dinners, or movies, or other one-on-one activities. Now I know that I shouldn't complain and they are nice activities to do - but I also wanted to play pool, go to parties, hang out with him and others. He wasn't into it and just got more and more possessive. I wasn't even back from school and he was already talking about what we were going to do; how we were going to see each other; when I went back. IN AUGUST.
I don't know if you've picked up on it or not, but I'm so not into being possessed or controlled. Never have been. I'm just wired a little different to be so sensitive about it; I'd rather be alone then be with someone who doesn't let me be myself - however strange or sad myself may be. I broke things off with him which could be seen as either a very good, or bad, thing.
Good because for about 2 months I think he stalked the house. He would leave things by or on my car - books by an author I read, or flowers, or other little things. He never left anything written but come on, who else could it be? Imagine if we would have had a more intense, intimate relationship...
Bad because that set me up perfectly to enter the relationship with my X at the end of the summer. If you're really that interested I can get into it with you but I'm getting tired of droning on about that...
Between the ending of one and the beginning of the other I started thinking (yes, I know, I think TOO MUCH). I often mused the idea that I suffer a hubris. That my life is a tragedy and if only I could discover my personal fatal flaw I could change the course of my existance and end the sadness.
How melodramatic I know but the word/idea/concept has been entering my mind more and more lately and I am back to considering the possibility that it is an inherent truth of my life...
(And no, comments aren't necessary - I just wanted share my frame of mind so you all know where I am right now in case you were wondering...)
posted by Ali @ 2:10 PM
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