Keys
You know, I don't even really know how or where to start the story of last night's escapades... I guess a little background would help.I started working in hell, as most of you know, a little more than a year ago. A few months on the dark side and there was a new addition to my unit who I got to train. Way super fun because she and I totally goofed around the entire time and there was something to look forward to in the morning and made work (gasp) fun. We became fast friends and life is good.
Once she was here for a little while she discovered that I was in fact not kidding when I welcomed her to hell.
Immediately she started looking for another place of employment, which she has found and yesterday was her last day, but I'm not sure it's a step up. She is going to be a parole officer. Let me say that again, she is leaving the relative safety of working in a secure building to be a parole officer. I know this place is bad, but is working with convicted felons a better choice? I'm not completely convinced of that but that's a discussion for another day (what jobs are worse than my current hell?).
Anyway, so we went to lunch as a unit to wish her well. Except that our Sup did not come (what the f...?) and once two particular members finally showed up all they did was bitch. I was going to be "p.c." and say complain, but that wouldn't be true - they were bitching. You know the type, the food is too hot or too cold, or there aren't enough croutons (yes, they both counted their croutons) and so on. Misery is the only way to describe it. They made it perfectly clear that the sole reason they attended was out of obligation and you could see in their eyes how jealous they were of our non-attendant Sup.
After work we all agreed to meet at a local bar for happy hour. I had plans to meet Todd and Liz for dinner around 7 so stopping by for one drink would be totally doable. It was my first time there (I know, you're shocked) and I pulled into the very full parking lot, found a spot and went in.
I did not know a single solitary person.
Somehow I had managed to beat everyone there? Even though we all left the office at the same time and I had to stop for a pee break? It didn't make sense. I decided that I should call and verify that I was at the right bar. Except my phone was dead. Like dead, dead. Feeling smug I thought to myself - no problem, I'll just go out to the car and plug it in - perfection! I reached my friend, as she was walking in the parking lot right in front of me.
She was all, "I just called because I thought I was lost" and I was all "oh sorry, my phone was dead" and we laughed. Then I saw her and was like "oh my gosh, I like, totally see you" and she was like "I see you, too". And we were all girly and giggly and it was fun.
In my excitement I rushed out of the car, disconnecting the phone and locking the door all in one swift move, and I got out of the car and closed the door.
"FUCK!"
"Oh my God, you just locked your keys in, didn't you?"
"Yeah, I did. Now what?"
Just as I was realizing that my Mom, who has the only spare key, was at dinner then going to the baseball game - oh my gosh how am I going to get into my car when my cell is DEAD? - that people started showing up. I explained what happened over and over, feeling stupider and stupider (and yes, when you reach this level of idiocy you can make up your own words). We tried calling (on someone else's phone, nach) the only lock person we knew the name of but it just rang and rang and rang and rang and rang some more.
Finally I decided all of us standing outside in the parking lot was not going to magically unlock the door or making a lock guy show up and we should go in.
I walked right up to the only open spot at the bar and when the bartender came up and asked what I wanted I said "a phone book". The look was one of, does she really mean an actual phone book or is this some crazy drink that I will have to attempt to make? I explained quickly what happened and although she didn't think they had one but went to look anyway.
While waiting at the bar the more than slightly inebriated guy next to me asked if my locks were regular or automatic? Regular, which is too bad because he knew how to break in if they were automatic. One of his friends asked if I had triple A, and sadly, I don't. Then he said not to worry, he did and would call them for me! Sweet - I'm totally going to get into my car and it's such a fantastic thing.
We went outside and while he was on hold we chatted - basic get to know the random stranger who was riding to my rescue - he's from all over, has one tattoo and one piercing, and works at the marina doing something I only half paid attention to (yes, I am bad like that) and he has my Dad's name. The triple A people said it would be 1/2 - 1 hour. I offered to buy him a drink and we went back to his friends.
Over an hour later his phone rang. Apparently they were going to be a little late, but they would be there before another hour went by. Oops. Oh well, we were chatting and getting along fine and all, ordered another round (did I mention I was drinking martinis?) and life was fine. I borrowed his phone (because mine was DEAD) and called Todd and Liz - explained the situation - and apologized but I may not be there by 7 to go to dinner. They weren't too concerned and just asked that I call and let them know what was going on.
Another hour came and went. I called and apologized profusely - it was 7 and I was still locked out of my car. They weren't concerned but were hungry; I told them to go without me.
Back inside and ordered another round. At this point I lost track of the time (since I was no longer holding up dinner) and I think sometime around 8 because it was definitely dark, dark out, the lock man came. He covered our tab and maybe 20 seconds later I was again in possession of my keys. We stayed outside "talking" for a little while and at some point I took possession of a sweater he had had in his car. I'm not quite sure why because although it was really cold out I HAD MY OWN SWEATER. At the time I guess it made sense though.
We exchanged phone numbers (because he needed someway to get his sweater back) and went on our merry way.
Of course you're thinking - but weren't you there to wish your friend well with her new job and hang out with friends from work? That was the original plan but it didn't seem right to blow him off after he called the triple A people for me... I apologized to my friend once I realized what was going to happen and we're straight. Besides, she wants me to meet someone (or at least get laid) so this really works right into her plans...It was oh, I don't know, 9 as I am driving home and I called Todd and Liz - I'm back in my car! They still want me to come over, so after a quick trip to pick up Cam and drop her home I grabbed a bottle of wine and went right over. They had picked up take out and got enough for me so I ate and we split the wine. It was fantastic and quite possibly one of the best meals I've had (remember, since my salad at lunch around noon I hadn't eaten a thing).
I got home around 1 or 2 and crashed. What was supposed to be a relatively calm and relaxing day turned out to be anything but. Sometimes I really love my life.
posted by Ali @ 11:32 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home